Mencintaimu

Mencintai mu
Seumur hidup ku
Selamanya
Setia menanti

Walau di hati saja
Seluruh hidup ku
Selamanya
Kau tetap milik ku

Hanya satu yang tak mungkin kembali
Hanya satu yang tak pernah terjadi
Segalanya teramat berarti di hati ku
Selamanya...

Mencintai mu
Seumur hidup ku
Selamanya
Kau tetap milik ku

On a different note;

**The controversy over stem cell research arises from how they are created. Some are the by-product of in-vitro fertilization attempts by couples trying to have children. Unused ones, rather than being discarded, are harvested. Others are deliberately created specifically for this research.**

Dalam kalut ada peraturan, peraturan mencipta kekalutan. Di mana pula kau berdiri ?

**Another area in embryonic stem cells that can be of ethical concern is the use of therapeutic cloning. This involves using a blastocyst cloned from the patient so that the resulting stem cells are a genetic match. Some see this as being in a category of unnaturalness shared with reproductive human cloning, in which cloned blastocysts would be allowed to grow into embryos and eventually infants.**

Lihat dunia dari mata burung atau dari dalam tempurung. Yang mana satu engkau pilih ?

Bangsa aku kalah lagi

I'm sad. I'm truly sad and depressed. Sad for the fact that my own 'kind' can sometimes be so stupid and naive. Why? Why do I even bother to make them understand. My 'bangsa', sampai bila do we have to be in the shadows of darkness? Sampai bila we have to stand hold to a believe that have long abandoned us?

I'm harsh and cruel. That's what I've been labeled. Is it true? I don't know. I've also been labeled as a 'manusia lupa daratan'. Again I ask, is it true? Truth is my friends, I don't know. If trying to change what needs to be change and altered, can be considered a grevious obsession, then yes. I am guilty as charged.

Mr.Jones: A bit sad today Shah?
Shah: No. I'm not sad anymore.
Mr.Jones: Don't try to change the world around you Shah. It's an impossible task.
Shah: Yeah, I know. I GUESS IDIOTS ARE BORN IDIOTS AND YOU CAN NEVER CHANGE THEM.

Mengapa?

Mengapa hidup aku perlu dikongkong oleh masyarakat umum? Mengapa pilihan-pilihan hidup yang aku buat harus diadili oleh mereka-merka yang langsung tidak pernah faham setiap inci latarbelakang kehidupan aku? Mengapa bila aku cakap aku tak kisah tentang tanggapan-tanggapan mereka, mereka tetap mahu mengatakan aku salah dan cara aku songsang dan seroang? Mengapa aku harus dengar nasihat-nasihat kosong yang datang dari mereka-mereka yang sendiri tidak pernah melalui kehidupan yang sama seperti aku? Mengapa mereka tidak dapat menerima kelainan yang awak bawak sama seperti mana aku menerima kelainan yang mereka bawa? Mengapa? Mengapa? Fuck you all ! I don't care and I don't give a damn. My life, my choices, my happiness, my demise and my future.

Cakap-cakap kucing kecil

Garfield: Miaw! Miaw! Miaw!
Narnia: Miow! Miow! Miow!
Si kecil: Cat! Cat! Cat!
Shah: Lapaq la nih....

Semalam, masuk-lah hari ke-tiga aku menjadi 'bapa kucing'. Seronok, pening and kagum - experience pertama aku jadi 'bapa kucing'. Aku found out, newborn kittens tak boleh 'evacuate' bladder and bowel tanpa pertolongan. Mahu tak mahu, antara tugas-tugas baru aku sekarang adalah menolong kitten-kitten aku tuh 'melepas'. Seriously, aku tak tipu. Orang tersayang, bila aku citer apa yang aku / kami kena buat, terus tengok aku macam aku nih hantu air.

I'm enjoying life now. That's the most important thing. All I need now is a vacation. A long overdue getaway, somewhere over the rainbow, anywhere other than here. Nanti kita pergi, okay Shah? Aku janji. I promise.

Mr.Jones: I guess you won't need any valium anymore?
Shah: It dosen't hurt anymore...

Isnin ohh Isnin, kau datang jua akhirnya

Monday, akhirnya kamu datang juga. Dua hari cuti macam tak cukup saja. Sabtu dan Ahad tuh rasa macam di 'compile' menjadi satu hari. Tak cukup lah. Sampai opis pagi nih, terus aku apply leave. Aku cadang nak ambik 22 & 23, boleh direct cuti x'mas sekali. I need a vacation. I don't know where yet but I don't care. Anywhere here is better and plesant.

Sabtu lepas, we were 'di-kurniakan' 2 lovely kittens. We are now the proud owner of 2 'Australian gene' kittens. We decided to call them Garfield and Narnia. Both of them are female and they look soo adorable. Nanti aku post gambar-gambar aku, orang tersayang dan si kecil dengan kucing-kucing tuh. Dekat sini aku kena mengaku, kami langsung tak der pengalaman dalam membesar dan membela kucing. Tapi aku hendak try juga. Kalau si kecil aku dengan orang tersayang boleh jaga dan bela sampai umur dah 2 tahun, ini-kan anak-anak kucing? Anyway, hari nih kalau senang aku kena surf internet, nak cari tips-tips nak bela dan membesarkan kucing. Sebelum aku lupa, umur kucing-kucing aku tuh baru 2 minggu. Kira baby lagi lah.

Sabtu lepas aku bersorak sakan. Sorak sorang-sorang macam orang gila. Sikit pun aku tak kisah apa jiran-jiran aku nak celoteh. Liverpool menang besar! 2-0, lawan Middlesborough. Nanti aku update lagi....

The blues gang

Mr.Jones: Hello Shah, how are you feeling today?
Shah: I'm feelin' abit blue but I'm great.
Mr.Jones: 'blind hatred' - did you manage to find the meaning of it?
Shah: Yes I did.
Mr.Jones: Well?
Shah: I hate too many people nowadays. I have to stop hating people in general.
Mr.Jones: Why do you hate 'some' people so much, Shah?
Shah: I hate people that makes me feel small and depressive. I can't stand them.
Mr.Jones: There's always denial Shah. You can use denial and pretend that everything's fine.
Shah: I'm sick of that. Pretending and being hypocritical about everything is not helping me.
Mr.Jones: You did that before, Shah and you were good at it.
Shah: I've wisen up now Mr.Jones and I want to come clean.
Mr.Jones: Can you really be yourself in front of 'these' people?
Shah: No I can't and I'm so pissed about it!
Mr.Jones: Try valium Shah. It can ease the pain for some.
Shah: You're asking me to take drugs?
Mr.Jones: Yes I am, you seem to need it more than anyone.

After that conversation, I left home for the nearest pharmacy. Valium seems like a good idea.

Just another ordinary day

Hello Mr.Jones. Yesterday aku balik opis lewat. Ada meeting. Nasib baik orang tersayang and si kecil tidak ada dekat rumah. Sudah masuk 3 hari diorang dekat kota Lumpur and I'm starting to miss them. Nasib baik hari ini malam, diorang balik.

Anyway Mr.Jones, aku tengah bosan. Semua kerja 'usaha mancari duit' sudah siap. Termenung sekejap aku depan laptop - blank gila time-time macam aku ini.

A celebration of life

Hello Mr.Jones. Hujung minggu lepas aku pergi makan kenduri. Banyak kenduri yang aku pergi sampai aku sendiri tak ingat apa yang aku makan. Seperti biasa, aku pergi dengan orang tersayang dan si kecil. Kami makan kenyang-kenyang sampai perut aku rasa macam hendak meletop.

Actually, aku rasa mereka-mereka yang sudah finally decide hendak naik pelamin, deserve respect. Bagi aku, it's a sign or maturity. A celebration of life. The choices you make and the path you choose now is shared. Huge responsibility. Jadi, here's my salute to all of you guys yang baru got hitched. Wa caya sama lu.....

Just another weekend blues

Aku: Hi there Mr.Jones.
Mr.Jones: Hello Shah, how have you been?
Aku: Lately or in general?
Mr.Jones: Whichever.
Aku: Lately, it's been bad and in general, it's not to bad, could be better.
Mr.Jones: Does it always have to be that complicated, Shah?
Aku: Life is complicated.
Mr.Jones: You can try and make it un-complicated.
Aku: I have tried and I have failed.
Mr.Jones: You haven't fail yet, Shah. You would not have been here if you'd failed.
Aku: Sometimes, people around me makes my life complicated.
Mr.Jones: I know Shah but, can you blame them?
Aku: I do not blame anyone. In fact, what the fuck are you talking about?
Mr.Jones: Patience Shah, you lack it so much. Answers are not easy to find with 'blind hatred'.
Aku: 'Blind hatred' ? Since when did I have, 'blind hatred'?
Mr.Jones: The day you started talking to me.
Aku: You're talking in riddles, AGAIN Mr.Jones.
Mr.Jones: You're a riddle yourself Shah. Now just suck it up and face it like MAN.
Aku: ........ what the fuck is 'blind hatred' ?

Conversation aku dengan Mr.Jones berakhir begitu saja.

The rise of the Red Army

Adam, what you doin' now. What you doin' now lad? Please, please tell me Cuz I need to know, I need to know now. When I was down, You came to me and promised you'd always be. By my side, now you're gone and I'm waiting patiently. Adam, I want you to know.

Adam, Adam, I'm so glad you're mine. We'll be together a long time.

Adam, who's faxin' you now? Who's dialin' your car phone? Please, please be true. You know that I trust you, do that which you must do. When I was down, You came to me and promised you'd always be. By my side, now you're gone and I'm waiting patiently. Adam, I want you to know.

Adam, Adam, I'm so glad you're mine.We'll be together a long time

You've got the Beach Boys, and your firm's got the Stones. But I know you won't leave me alone. Sometimes it seems you’re not with me. It hurts me so much, it hurts me so much. Sometimes it seems you’re not with me. It hurts me so much, it hurts me so much.

Adam, Adam, I'm so glad you're mine. We'll be together a long time

You are the most, you're so rad, you're so fresh and I'm so glad I am yours, you are mine. Show me where and I will sign. When I was down, You came to me and promised you'd always be. By my side, now you're gone and I'm waiting waiting.

Adam, Adam, I'm so glad you're mine. We'll be together a long time

Adam, believe me, I won't let you down Cuz you are the best lawyer in town.

Sometimes it seems you’re not with meIt hurts me so much, it hurts me so much. Sometimes it seems you’re not with me. It hurts me so much, it hurts me so muchI love you so much, I love you so much.

Mornin' Mr.Jones. Are you feeling joyfull today? I know I am. Kepada Encik Jones yang tidak pernah bercakap banyak, dengan bangganya aku umumkan, semalam Liverpool menang! Yak! Yak! Yeh! Empat game menang direct, wa cakap lu Mr.Jones! Kemenangan yang bisa membuat team yang aku sokong sejak berusia setahun jagung ini melonjak ketangga ke-empat. Terrer wa cakap lu Jonseyyyyy.....

Tapi kan, on the other side of town, Man "scum" United pun menang juga. Now isn't that a major MOOD KILLER?

Orang tersayang aku balik dari kota Lumpur dengan penuh ceria semalam. Bas sampai pukul 9 lebih. Aku dan si kecil lepak dekat kedai kopi sebelum 9 lagi. Si kecil cukup suka minum teh panas. Habis secawan. Off all the time yang aku spend dengan si kecil tuh, semalam was the best. Ohhh the joy of a father....blissfull bliss....

Later Mr.Jones.